He was at the bakery wondering what would satisfy his wife’s sweet tooth.
The delicious baker behind the counter pointed at a strawberry cupcake. ‘Maybe this one for the special someone?’
The baker’s husky voice made him appear more desirable than the cupcake. He tried to control his cannibalistic urges, but he couldn’t stop staring at the baker’s scrumptious potbelly. Eventually he picked a pineapple cake and went home to his wife.
His wife was bigger after all. She will be an easy prey too, especially after she feeds on the
cake. They say a woman gains weight after marriage, after pregnancy, and they’re absolutely right. His wife was too skinny on their wedding night. Now, five years later, she is indeed a hefty snack.
He walked down a couple of blocks before he reached the house his wife’s parents bought for
them as a wedding gift. He patiently waited at the doorstep after ringing the doorbell at least
thrice. He was finally received by his wife after fifteen long minutes.
What took her so long? Did the extra weight slow her down? He demands an answer from her.
Something was amiss. She looked flustered and acted nothing like usual. There was neither a
welcome home kiss, nor a ‘I missed you today.’ Only silence prevailed till he entered the
As the tension in the room rose, his wife suddenly blurted, ‘I cheated on you. I did and I am sorry.’
He couldn’t believe his ears. He never thought his sweet innocent fat wife was capable of cheating.
‘And I, I was feeling so guilty for doing this to you.’ She continued. ‘There was no food at home for me to stress eat. I was losing my mind! That’s why I asked for you to get cake. I am sorry but in bed, Patrick was looking like such a snack!’
Patrick? The plumber Patrick? Rage overwhelms him. He feels like throttling her. And how
dare she ask him to get her sweets to help her manage the guilt. Well, she is going to pay dearly for this. And so will Patrick. He’ll make sandwiches out of them both.
‘How could you do this to me?’ He cries.
‘No honey. It’s all over now, I promise. It was only a mistake. I have taken care of it, I had to, I
‘What do you mean you couldn’t wait?’ He asked.
His wife looked frightened. She started to fidget with her fingers and couldn’t meet her husband’s eyes. She kept looking down at her feet and inevitably at her husband’s very expensive shoes. She then looked up, tears welling up in her eyes. He saw how she took a long breath and closed her eyes before she revealed the big secret.
‘You see that bag?’ She pointed towards a huge black stuffed garbage bag.
‘Yes?’ He said bewildered.
‘Well, that’s most of Patrick. I mean I ate some of him. You know, because of all the stress.’
He couldn’t believe his ears. His wife ate ‘some’ of Patrick? He never thought he’d meet anyone with a desire for human flesh, and he never dreamed that his wife shared the same desire. His anger disappeared at once. In fact, he loved her even more now. They could finally be a team.
‘Can I see the bag?’ He asked.
She brought him the bag and opened it. He stared lustily at the dismembered parts of Patrick.
That night they had a romantic candlelight dinner on the terrace, under the stars and moonlight.
“Who should we have next for dinner?” He asked his beautiful wife.
“How about Steven the mailman?” She suggested.
So next month they had Steven. Every month they feasted on someone new. They pretty much lived happily ever after.
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